looking back

re-read my past blog posts. gosh how much i've changed. grown. watever. it's like looking at a photo album or an old silent movie and i see and reminisce how naive, cheesy, childish i've been before. reading the past. what fun. some of the posts really cracked me up. some opened old wounds. others made me cringe with emarassment. but this is certainly intresting. seeing myself in another light. enlightening. certainly. ah... the pleasure of diaries, journals, blogs. never again will i abandon you. right...

i'm fine

trembled right there and then
indicisive at first
unsure heartbeats resonated inside
standing there straight and stiff
trying to be acceptable and perfect

like an apple
blood red apple being peeled
do you see that bright scarlet hue
vivacious, burning, sleek
then u reduced me
stripped my mask, layers, my hard work
it spirals and i am bare before you
pale yellow interior
ashen dull and dead
such contrast
such shame

yet i feel more at ease, loose
almost tipsy
now that you've seen all of me
so you have all of me
uncut pristine complete
judge me critique me
and i know it'll be sincere
honest and unerring

wrath

you know, that thing
that thing
makes trees catch fire
and its blaze, they don't dance
they explode in a raging tempo
like a soprano reaching its climax
peircing
spreading rapidly through out

that thing
it makes that sound
like the elephants' stampede
stirs the wind
it howls
it sends the traveler sprinting for cover
or crouching close to the floor
so as not to be tossed up the sky

that thing
it distorts the countenance of the sea
so that waves no longer march in the same direction
they splutter all over
colliding at each other
hitting rocks and dispersing sands
disturbing the ocean floor

with the aftermath of that thing
all is destroyed
and thus the earth is cracked
the soil, lose
plants uprooted
houses wrecked
and blood bathes the land

that thing
can never quite control it
a leash will be too weak
a chain, futile
it's like trying to stop a gale
or an inferno
or an earthquake
or a waterfall
with bare hands
who can succeed such a feat
that feat
that thing

so...

i rush the day
everyday
ever so fondly
and when i near my home
my feet are beside themselves
and when sit and fondle with my pen
my fingers twitch
as i smoothen out the papers
i hear them sing to me
sweet yet crisp

and when the moon awakes
i pour the words that were brimming
words i wanted to say to you but never did
when we were together a minute ago
words that i swallow
that cause me to bite my tounge

then i write novels about us
i paint landscapes with two of us holding hands
i read poetries that remind me of you
and i love you but only in my poems
and in those stanzas i am dauntless
i am romantic
i am all you ever wanted and needed
and i am in love

but those are not me when your around
those are of some distant hero that we read about
for all i am is a coward
not that this is a worthless battle
all i am is indifferent
yet all i cared about is you
for all i am is inadequate
but i will give you all of me
for all i am is just a friend
who, unfortunately, will be forever beside you
and not forever be with you

stay

every morning when light trickles from behind
i open my eyes only to shut them back
so that that vivid dream of you would stay

everytime i breathe in the memories of yesterday
or even the just nows
my heart aches blissfully
it makes me smile

and every walk along roses and tulips
i never did stay; like the others
for the two hands walk past me
and they never did stay either
and i feel wasted
for those moments walking could have been
moments of companionship
moments of my smile or ours
and not the tulips' or the roses'; as they're ment to

and when the moment comes
colours shift
the wind stops whistling
and it aches blissfully again

and when the moment comes
those hands, i no longer can see
for a moment
though your gone
they stay

michael buble - everything

utterly in - L O V E with this bloody song. it really pulls certain heart strings, dun you think? argh! to all sadist: see?! there still are happy songs that are nice, once upon a time. so super sobrang like it talaga *whinny assumption voice.

PS why am i so commercial nowadays? this blog used to be asthetic. damn.

college life

shit. im in college. so far it has been:

confusing - because the system sucks. queues. directions. transport. i get lost so many times. and the faculty does not know how to inform us of any events or requirements. wonder why they get our emails and addresses for (even blogs and multipies!)? to let it rot in the cupboard? i wish they have online thing where we can register online. or maybe they could update their website so we can get information easily from net. or they could answer the bloody phone or put more lines. for the umpteen times a called, not one was answered.

bored - the breaks are like 1 to 2 hrs long and my friends and i have different schedules. profs come 15 to 30 mins late. the lessons are starting to beome mundane.

tiring - i take mrt to school then i ride the jeep. since U.P. is as big as zimbabwe (wha?) i have to walk or take the jeep from one place to another. my bag is so heavy as shit because it is full of art crap. it's heatstroke-hot. profs starting to give lots of plates. homeworks. the facilities are rubbish. we seriously look like one of those charity schools who recieve free charity stuff like books, computers, tables. even orphans have better stuff than us.


fun - friends and school mates rock! college would totally suck without them. classes would be dead. breaks would be three times long as it is. without them i'll consider begging in streets than to go through college as a loner. teachers are super funny. their respectable, knowledgeable and reasonable (except for half-dead math teacher). so that's cool.


exciting - college! a new start. i sooo want to graduate with honors. and i sooo wanna be a varsity player (if i can reach court in time). dreams...


new friends made. these are the only pics i have so far.


tania
naive
bait
cheerful
positive
hyperactive




















caroline
makulit
tawa ng tawa ng
mataray (joke)
mabait





















trina
makulit
makulit parin
mabait din
bata isip

artmala

vinta karim

installation of spices on 700 meters of cloth

even outside i could smell the distinct scent of spices. as i walk in, the lighting, the smell, the texture, colours everything seemed serene and unified. each element compliment the others. some contrasted to create some highlights, for examplt, the wooden stool ot the spices itself againts the cloth. i wasn't able to take in the whole installation as i was in a hurry. will go again on monday.

out with bfs

went out with ibro jer and ahlong today at orchard. looked at some exihbits. went to lasalle to take check which we were too late for. kerna scolded like hell by mother. then went bp plaza and ate with jermain and yuanlong at yoshinoya (was it?). went home. had fun though. gonna miss u guys!

shrek the third

watched with ate em, kuya rex and shasha

funny, oh wait, tickle me.

nah, it was funny, really

but forgetable

i stand for JT

amusing enough
nice OST

adequate animations

pirates of the carribean

watched this with youth at cathay house

pros:

stunning effects

superb costumes

balanced staging

comedy (might be trying hard at times)

breath-taking animation

nerve-racking fighting scenes

amazing sceneries

cons:

confusing plot

complicaed storyline

too intertwined

cryptic accents

i have always been a fun of piracy so, it was a blast for me. however, one needs to watch previous movies before enlightenment. but i super adored it. kiera knightly is hot! super hot! sizzling hot. so is orlando bloom. no regrets.